Awake at 4:00 a.m.

I sometimes wonder why I am woken up in the morning. I certainly don't think it was because I enjoy listening to my neighbor's tv which was going on with a western and the guns going off. And because now my cat is crawling all over me striving for my attention. So today I guess you could say..

I don't know how I can have a good attitude unless I reverse the whole week and start a new. Then maybe, just maybe, I could have said a few things different, or not at all. Not that would have solved everything, and maybe my neighbor (which is fast asleep now with no loud western on) would not have woken me or I would have been in a harder sleep. I could have only hoped. Right now I know I am a bit tired, cranky and don't know what to say, do, be , anything to anyone. That's sad considering the outgoing and kind , person I am. Maybe I will write later. I need some time to think at work. You know instead of work. ba. ha. ha. ha.  Speaking of.. My coffee is ready and I need to get off to work.

** on my way to work, I believe God told me this song was for me. He has really brought Mandisa in my life alot lately. I struggle with my weight and her songs bring me closer to watching what I eat and what path I need. God is good. I am stronger and getting even stronger than before, and before and before. Thank you God for waking me at 4:00 a.m., for the Western with the shooting, for the cat snuggling with me, Mandisa, and making me stronger.. **
Written By ~~Deanna Jo~~ 10/20/11

And I found the Answer. :)

I love it when God answers my questions no matter how they come about..

Written By ~~Deanna Jo~~ 10/19/11

What I have said, What I should have said...

I wonder sometimes if I am in the wrong on things I say. I know that I think wrong and I ask God to forgive me because it has been about 8 years since I have been divorced and still working in the same office as my ex-husband. Yes that can be hard. However when I am talking to one I love I don't mean to say harmful things, I don't mean to say mean things and yet I stop and am told I do. That makes me very sad because I am the first to think of mean or hurtful things to say to anyone.
I saw a quote on a friends Facebook page and boy yes I thank God for everything no matter how hard things are. The last couple days have been like that. Why God gives me reasons He does is so not understandable to me but I am sure sooner or later I will understand why He handed me what He did. So tonight before I go to bed, thank you again God for what I don't understand, and what I do understand. Thank you for all you do in my life that makes it more difficult so I grow stronger to be with You. Help me understand what I need to say that is right and wrong in the words that should sound like Yours and not mine.

Written By ~Deanna Jo~~ 10/18/11

He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles.  Proverbs 21:23 NASB

Baggage

The other day I was carrying my groceries up the 3 flights of dreaded stairs. I kept thinking why did I move to the third floor? Since it was cold outside I carried all my bags up except the gallon milk jug. That meant about 6 bags full of stuffffff. At about half way to the top I almost felt like I was so winded. Why? OOO I remember because of all the baggage and extra weight I was carrying. I bet it was at least 30 more pounds added to me. Nowwww I remember why I was so winded. I used to weigh this if not more a while back. Thinking back when I was carrying around a lot of extra baggage! It was not just the extra weight I was carrying around but I was carrying around memories and thoughts and words. Mean words, bad thoughts, so what did I do when I would remember those things? Eat. Eat and Eat.. So I would pack more baggage on than I ever fathomed. During my “healing” process and working out so hard I wore this bracelet on my wrist (still do) that says “strength” . I had my best friend pulling for me, and somehow God knew I was working so hard to heal myself. Amazing how He has that ability! Each day I worked out, even though there were times I didn’t feel so strong I kept pushing forward in disbelief that I could accomplish such a task as I was doing. I was healing from the inside out! Each time I would push that weight across the carpet and think I couldn’t do it, I would push harder so I would. Many times I would cry, many nights I would scream but I made it. There are times now when I look back and wonder how I had put so much drive into myself because sure I fall and slip but I pick myself up and push even harder because there is no way I am a looser. Was told that so many times in my life that nothing or no one is going to make me try to believe it no matter how hard they try. Well I made it to the top of those three flights of stairs and when I got to my door, I pushed through. Once I sat those down it reminded me of the weight which was and is continuing to be lifted off of me.. Because I believed in myself.. Of course I had people backing me, which means a lot to me, but I did what I did for me and I will continue.. Because I am wonderfully and beautifully made.




Psalm 139:14 (NIV)


14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;


your works are wonderful,


I know that full well.

I'm forever greatful..

Today I woke up at 6:57. I thought to myself ~UGH~ what am I doing up at this time when I could be sleeping? Then I heard the sounds outside and new it was the beginning of a new day. I heard the birds singing me awake! What a great song to wake up to (besides the song I was singing in my head. Then I remembered hearing on K-Love yesterday that Spring will be officially here tomorrow! Nice very nice! I am thinking after I get done writing I am going for a run out on the path behind my place. It’s so great to be able to have the freedoms to run, walk, workout, love, live life..

 I think about those people who are in war filled countries. I read yesterday on Jillian Michaels facebook page about a girl that when she was very small, her and her family had to run for 3 years because of war in her country. I could not even imagine 3 years of running from war, poverty, searching for a place to sleep and finding food. The girls name is Lovetta Conto and she tells of her story of the years of running, her mother dying, and how after all that running, she was rescued and given a chance to show her true potentials in life. She has chosen to help others like herself live in a safe environment. How did she do that? By using what was given to her. What has happened in her past has made an amazing impact on her future. She is making and selling jewelry to profit housing and a safe place for others to live and make something of each and every one of those she is saving. What a sacrifice she gives within herself! I believe this makes her a very strong person to be able to give this much .  This jewelry is not just any kind of jewelry, it’s made out of the shell casings laying array on the streets from which she came from. She is utilizing the war situation to help in her cause.  What an amazing life she is leading! God has blessed her with all she has had bad in her life to prosper good. That’s what He is all about!

So today when I am on my today journey, I am going to enjoy what I have and who I have in it. I am truly blessed even if my life seems rocky at times. My life is not near as bad as it could be.  Now for my run and listen to the sounds of nature and to enjoy my life..

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."  ~Erma Bombeck

~~Written By Deanna Jo~~3/19/2011

My Storms

When I was growing up as a child, I used to be afraid of storms. I think it's because of the unknown of what to come. The crashing noise of thunder and the bolts of lightening terrified me. But now I have come to the realization that even though these storms can be deadly, they also can calm me. I love watching the storms roll in from my bedroom window. I love the smell, the sounds, and the beautiful thunder bolts. Oh how I love to capture them in my mind.
There are so many different ways you can learn from those storms. If you watch and listen long enough you find the storm very calm at first, then come crashing around you but I always remember, no matter how strong they may seem, there is always and to these storms. At times I will go out and stand in the storms to help me feel the rain falling all around me. I love to let the rain run down my face and help wash all my thoughts away. Makes me feel as if I have no worries, no cares, nothing.
Have you noticed after the storms that the birds starting to sing? How beautiful they sound, because they know the storm is over and the sun will soon shine. That is exactly how I feel. What a great feeling it is. No matter the outcome...

Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. ~Rabindranath Tagore

Written By ~Deanna Jo~~ 3/5/11

Free to Fly..

Yesterday I was driving on the highway and I saw an eagle flying above me and thought how great it would be to be that eagle. I have always thought about what they see, feeling the wind whip around them and to feel so free. They must see some beautiful sites.  

I want to be that eagle some days..

Written By ~~Deanna Jo~~ 3/4/11